Every person is unique, of course, as is every relationship. But relationships tend to follow patterns, and within relationships, most people fall into one of three attachment styles: anxious, avoidant, or secure.
Anxious people want more from the relationship than their partner does. They're the ones who feel they must struggle not to call too often, not to appear too needy. I described it as sitting on his sofa having tied himself up, trying to figure out how to dial the phone with his toes.The anxious believe they are doomed to a state of perpetual longing; This can go on for years, or for people's entire lives.
Avoidant people, on the other hand, easily feel like their relationships are too confining. They crave freedom and space. Avoidants believe that every relationship becomes stifling sooner or later.
Unfortunately, anxious and avoidant people are often drawn to each other in what can be a never-ending dance. The anxious one reaches out, the avoidant one pulls away, and each feels unsatisfied but at the same time comfortable because the experience reinforces their deeply held beliefs about relationships.
Secure People.
They feel comfortable giving and receiving love. They're capable of being content in a satisfying relationship--they don't eternally want more from their dates or partners, and they're not constantly afraid of losing their freedom. They're OK with sometimes being dependent on another person, and sometimes having another person depend on them.
There's good news, too, though. Your attachment style is very deep-rooted and results from your childhood experiences and maybe even your genes. But it can change.
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