ETHICS OF RELATIONSHIP

We will be looking at "The ethics of Relationship" so I'll start by asking us

What is ethics?

According to Google Dictionary, ethics are "moral principles that govern a person's behaviour or the conducting of an activity."

I'm sure we all knows what Relationship is about as we're only the romantic side of it in this article.

So in the real sense of it, what we will be exploring today are moral and  spiritual principles that govern a person's behaviour in relationship.

Before I delve into the topic, permit me to make a necessary and important digression and please don't get lost because I'll eventually tie up any loose ends. Just follow me and note any area of confusion which you can ask  questions on in the comment section.

The focus is for us to know 

1. Details of relationship

2. When can or should we go into a relationship

3. Who should we go into a relationship with

4. Do's and don't in a relationship, answers to all these which I have provided in my previous blog articles. Do check them out for your perusal.

Without further ado, turn your scriptures with me to the book of the prophet who prophesy the birth of Jesus Chapter 60 verse 22

Isaiah 60:22 A little one shall become a thousand, and a small one a strong nation: I the LORD will hasten it in his time.

Another version says "when the time is right, I the Lord will make it happen".

The major emphasis I want to make tonight is that there are only 5 relationship status that's widely accepted anywhere in the world which are: 

Single.

Married, 

Separated

Divorced

Widowed 

And you would discover only "Single" is in present tense amidst others which are always expressed in there past tense, that should strike a cord in your heart been single is the most demanding relationship status and if you fail to maximize your single days, chances abound you'll taste other status which will not be your portion in Jesus name. 

Let's get this right, there's no relationship status as "I'm in a relationship" neither is there any like "I'm engaged" though the latter is permissible in the church but you'll hear Pastors tell you that "A broken courtship is better than a broken marriage" and so far you still fill in "Single" as your relationship status, either you're dating, you're in a relationship or engaged or you're in a platonic love, my dear you're still SINGLE, I mean we're still SINGLE.

Though I won't shy away from the fact that we've more people in Relationship now than those who are married and I'm not against that in any kind once it's based on the solid foundation of God and you both are tending towards marriage BUT I need us to dance the tune of the reality music that until the day you get married, you're still SINGLE.

Are we clear on that?

Let's look at the word's of the Teacher, son of David, King of Jerusalem Chapter 3 verse 8a

Ecclesiastes 3:8 A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

From the beginning of Ecclesiastes 3, the preacher was talking about time and seasons and it struck my heart the King Solomon ended that discussion with that of "love" at chapter, this does implies that for love to have it's full course, patience it's a great virtue, let's not be overly anxious because of pressures here are there, remember our anchor scripture, Isaiah 60:22

Let's check another interesting Bible verse as that will dovetail into the topic. Hurriedly open your Bible with me to the most controversial books of the Bible chapter 8 verse 4

Song of Solomon 8:4 I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, that ye stir not up, nor awake my love, until he please.

Brothers and sisters, allow love to rise in you when he deems fit, when you stir it up or awake it untimely, it has an ability of causing you to get heartbroken which is why most of relationship experience ends up to be bitter.

So let's just look at 5things among other you can do to maximize your single days.

A.  Seek God's face. 

1 Corinthians 7.

Look, make sure you read and understand 1 Corinthians 7 when you are still single. If need be, read it every morning and night and write what you personally understand from that chapter out, if there's any part of it you didn't understand, ask someone who is more inclined to explain you, my dear wisdom is profitable to direct.

Apostle Paul opened that chapter with a controversial point " It is good for a man not to marry". You ladies are happy abi? I wonder who will marry you if it's not good for Man to marry. This is to tell us that we need to carefully make it a point of duty to seek God's face during single days.

Have solid Relationship with God. Do the untold, go for evangelism, be radical about God.

Now that you still have the freedom to go anywhere you like and do what pleases you without express permission from anybody, save up good works for yourself in the bank of heaven because a time of marriage is coming when no man can plough.

Someone should read us vs. 32-35 of I Corinthians 7 quickly

1 Corinthians 7:32 But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord:

1 Corinthians 7:33 But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife.

1 Corinthians 7:34 There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.

1 Corinthians 7:35 And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction.

Don't forget, the purpose of you been alive is to serve God, all other things fall in place after it. Matthew said " seek first the kingdom & its righteousness" every other things including marriage will be added to you.

B. Seek Purpose:

As an agent of Purposeful living, I have no apology to say "anyone who's yet to identify his/her purpose hasn't started living" and as such you should not Compound his/her troubles by adding the baggage of relationship cos it'll ruin such fellow. 

I don't necessarily mean been a pastor per se but you must find something doing for the Lord & find the reason for your life. I'm always quick to ask whenever a lady seek my opinion as either to accept a proposal or not and I'm not ashamed to say have prompted countless numbers of such inconsequential proposal. Ladies are you joking? You want to get married to a guy who is not known to belong to any unit in the church, guys she's not even in the choir and she's God will? It'll be a bit difficult oo, I'm not saying that's a yardstick but haven't you read that an idle hand is the devil's workshop.

Apart from church work, this is the right time to Pursue career & Develop yourself. Start that business, take that professional exam, just do anything to keep yourself busy from distraction of any kind, when you're not running after something everything starts running after you so you need to keep focused.

The truth of the matter is that,on your path of doing what God has divinely purposed for you is your spouse and until you get started, you won't near it.

Don't be lazy, don't be idle, try something and fail, get back on your feet and start all over again. Don't despise your humble beginning, God's interested in making it big. Don't compare yourself to others who are seemingly doing better than yourself, you're doing better than some other people, Adam was only a gardener when God gave him Eve. 

Why not start something today & trust God for divine help?

If you are finding it difficult, identifying your purpose, don't hesitate to message me after this, I trust God to help me help you discover why you here on planet Earth and not Jupiter or Mars.

C. Be a Blessing to Others:

This is a good time to sow good seeds to people around, you might think you're doing them a favor but you'll surprised how you reap at harvest years of marriage.

In a normal setting, it's widely believed that our mothers attend so many parties on the notion of "when it's my time, I'll have people around me". The same way it works when you're a blessing to other people you sure will be blessed, so never withhold  the opportunity to help others when it's your power to do so.

You see when you get married, courtesy demands you seek permission from your spouse before you do almost anything and if for one reason or another, you didn't get such consent, you wouldn't have been said to commit a sin but now that you've the liberty, please invest in people, as much as you are loving God, Love & serve man too. It will pay off on the long run.

D. Spend time with Married Couples; to get an ideal couple marriage (Proverbs 31).

I'll be ending on this note, you see not so many of us are lucky to have an ideal home to say the bitter truth let me ask, how many of us will like to have the exact type of marriage our parents had? Probably few of us. So, try as much as possible to find married couples around you who has an ideal home, move closer to them,go for weekends in their home, if possible go stay with them during holidays and take a glean of what a godly marriage looks like.

I have some tips for those who are in courtship but I'll only share them and trust the Holy Spirit to enlighten your understanding on them.

Courtship

1. No to staying together.

2. Discuss, pray & talk everything in your different mind.

3. A time to show who you are. Say your past & help each other heal. Get to know about medical issues.

4. Put investments together, discuss savings plan.

5. Ask soft questions.

I'm waiting to answer your questions

Adegboyega Emmanuel

Your Relationship Coach.